"After I read her blog I made myself a bag of microwave popcorn......and ate the entire thing"

Ahhhhh the age of internet. Nothing like the craze of "mummy blogs" and facebook pages to make you feel like an inferior parent. A friend and I were discussing a popular "crunchy" parent's blog when suddenly she blurts "after I read the blog, I made myself a bag of microwave popcorn......and ate the entire thing" It got me to thinking(oh no) how many time I read facebooks statuses like this " churned butter in the back yard this morning while breastfeeding the baby, encouraged the older kids to organize an interpretive dance, ground my own wheat for bread(that I baked this afternoon) and yet still am able to keep a spotless house..yah me!" and have to bite back a comment such as.. "yah well I think I might have sprained my finger using the can opener while making alphaghetti for lunch" or "man! my arm sure is sore, I couldn't be bothered to get off the chaise lounge and find the sprinkler so I had HOLD the hose to spray the kids down.." seriously I sometimes wonder are these "perfect parent" type blogs REALLY ment to inspire or to make us "regular joes(or janes) feel some how lacking..I previous conversation with a friend who makes her own pasta Me " how do you do it, seriously?" Her "well I mean with google now a days just about anything is possible" Me silence(I'm thinking "damn! the last thing I think I googled was Magic Mike torn videos(sadly my search came up empty handed)) I have four kids, I sometimes feel like just motivating myself to have a shower should result in a hero cookie.. I may have found a purpose for this blog.. because lets face it who doesn't want to hear the rantings of a half crazed mother(now don't all rush to start following my blog at once) hahaha

"Nope my mum can't anwser the phone, she's giving the baby the boob....you know titting the baby.."

And that was officially the last call we have had from a telemarketer. When I commented that D. (my oldest) could have answered the phone more appropriately he replied "well what do you want me to say? Your boob was out and the baby was on it?". How could I have known that by watching his mother Breast feed his three younger brothers would turn my child into such a cynic.
I have to say this summer is killing me, three children now that was a challenge, four is crazy town. When three kids get out of a car you smile at the parents..When you drag (kicking and screaming) four children from a vehicle it's like the world stops for a second, everyone stares, they might even point...well they might be pointing because I couldn't find the energy to get dressed.....or I finally lost my mind and forgot pants..hahaha
My forth son might be the straw that broke the "camels" back (by camel I mean me clearly) he is the most beautiful angel baby in the world BUT apparently someone forgot to give him the memo that he is in fact NOT a first child. I do NOT have undivided time and attention just for him, all day. He hates all other human beings, besides me(and I think he's only after me for the milk). His favorite past times include Alligator death role(while diaper changing) making this EHEHEHEHEHE noise when he is A: afraid or B: annoyed...or his new favorite "nnonononononon" which he does literally every time he doesn't want to do something, and it is usually accompanied by the stiff tummy out back arch.
I started a new home based business this summer! and we have had some HUGE dietary life style changes..so you can bet I have some interesting stories to share! more to come....I promise

Mummy was having a girl but then she was born with a penis...

That shuts up the comments pretty fast.. My four year old son B. he's an old soul in a young body. I was complaining to my husband about people lack of tact when they see our family. I always get the same comments; "wow four boys hey", "Wow you have you hands full"," ohhh are you going to try for one more?" ..or my classic favorite : I guess we all know what you were trying for"
My favorite reply reserved especially for that last comment " well no the only thing I was trying for was a good time, and the only thing I was hoping for was my birth control pill to work"... I actually did have the guts to say that once, granted it was after a two hour shopping trip to super store and I was feeling the need for a stiff drink and a horse tranquilizer...let me tell you the shade of purple that woman achieved I have not seen again..well except for the time my husband decided to alter the grocery list with several "adult only products" and it fell accidentally into the hands of an unknowing do gooder..but that's a whole new story on it's own.
B. still isn't convinced his new brother isn't a girl, he figures in due time quote " his penis and stuff will fall off and he will get a bum in the front just like baby Gracie"...I'm probably going to keep a close eye on all the hedge trimmers and scissors in this house for the next few years.

Hey if you you guys clean up the Fruit snacks off the floor you can eat them...

One day when my children are grown ,and in therapy that heading will most likely be the opening to a session. Honestly though with my kids getting them to clean up after themselves is unheard of..so I saw a window of opportunity and jumped on it, they best reply.. my oldest son D says "can I eat them while I'm cleaning or do I have to wait? JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR I gave them a fresh pack just for putting them in the garbage. Spring break officially morphed my middle son into a small ball of terror.. I took them grocery shopping the other day( yes I actually have to take a few cleansing breathes and psych myself up a bit before I embark on "take the kids out" adventures) So they were really really good we did half of our shopping and took them to get their free cookies...and they turned on me.... like animals in the zoo, I was completely blindsided... the baby H started spitting gobs of cookie and drool out while while we walked and the middle starts hugging his brother suspiciously.... we get to the check out and I notice gobs of unknown substance in the baby's hair.. most of it appears to be mucus.. "eww What's in THE BACK OF H's hair?" B "ummm... it's boogers and snot, he did it must of wiped his nose in his hair".. Me "B did you do that to him" B " nope he's gross he did it himself and he also drooled on his back too!" Then B yells " mummy when your button is undone I can see your NIPPLE" " NOooo wait I have nipples you have boobies and a GINA" the elderly couple in front give me the disgusted look like OMG what are you teaching him.... it was so bad that I literally almost left the store in tears(wouldn't be the first time)
let me clear up the body part reference we have been teaching B body parts. Isn't it awesome how the only ones they seem to retain are the inappropriate ones, especially the inappropriate ones there older brother teaches them... and they bring them up when you are trying to demonstrate what a good parent you are like at preschool when you are saying I love you and bye and he yells " MUMMY you didn't wipe my bunghole good enough it's wet and itchy" and you pull a crocodile like move... lower your eyes, sink down as low as possible and slink out quietly.... those are the days I make my husband pick him up..

The Tape isn't working...can we use the stapler...

AHHH spring break dreaded by parents... loved by children. I was actually quite impressed this break with the evolution of my children's play together... although my poor smallest son seems to take the brunt of this creativity.. Day one.. the boys went in the playroom to "play dress-up" they were quiet and a heard a few muffled giggles.. I sat and enjoyed my morning coffee and apple(breakfast of a mummy) I would give the occasional yell "how's it going in there" "fine, fine we are having fun" my oldest would reply.. for some strange reason I can't explain today, I broke the cardinal rule of mummy-hood, I trusted my children.. D is seven what could they possibly do in the playroom.. my answer came walking out of the door wearing only a diaper and strangely resembling a Easter egg.. YES it's true they colored the baby.. every inch of his small plump body.. I freaked.."WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!!" of course know one had a clue what happened.. my middle son " I dunno, he mus ta done it himself".. the oldest " I'm not sure I didn't see anything" so the baby looks like a rainbow barfed on him and know one has a clue how it happened? I have my suspicions, I assume they tag teamed him back and front.. the arms and legs probably one a piece and I am fairly positive he did his face himself.. and that was just day one
Day two..
baby crying oldest son D "Mummy the glue isn't working can we have the stapler?".. it's one of those moments in your life when your not really sure "do I want to know?".. well apparently the story is...it was my mum's birthday and they decided to mail the baby to her and where trying to get a postcard attached to his belly.. I did learn one thing in that fiasco, dish soap can work miracle on glue stick removal. he barely has any left on him.. I should probably add I replied NO to the suggestion of the stapler but they informed me that was okay they found some good tape..
and people wonder why I need hair dye and I'm not even thirty.. can you imagine what happened the rest of the week? sign in tomorrow and maybe I'll tell you

Who have I become.....

Recently I was at the grocery store with my youngest son, I bribed him with fruit snacks in the car to stop him from screaming(yes I know mummy rule # 1 don't bribe with food)anyway we reached out destination in relatively good spirits. I took him out of his car seat and noticed low an behold a snack stuck to his back..I remember thinking "shoot I can't take him in the store with this on him" , so what did I do, I ate it, WHAT? yes I stuck it in my mouth, my new title human trash compactor. why didn't just flick it on the ground... honestly didn't even cross my mind... now weeks later I have noticed this wasn't a isolated event.. I have a problem, it makes me stop and question myself WHO HAVE I BECOME???
Here I am the person who couldn't even share a pop with my husband and now I have to control myself from eating that half chewed cookie that's just going to go to waste on the baby's high chair tray...ugg
I don't even hesitate to stick my finger in a diaper to see if it's clean or do the bum sniff.. really... I wear hats..A LOT..mostly because I am to lazy to brush my hair.. the day it become in style to wear your pajamas in public.. I may possibly stop dressing.. my oldest son is even catching on to who am am.. I told him I was going upstairs to get dressed and he said "why.. it's not like your going anywhere, you just want to make Daddy think that we did something today.." Did I mention I am a stay at home mum.. I literally don't talk to other adults all day.. my biggest excitement is observing my children.. and trust me it is exciting....